I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
