You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
