You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
