You can't motorboat a personality
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
