you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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