He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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