she smelled like a LAN party
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
