Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
