wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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