My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
