whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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