my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
