Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
