I'm sorry my penis didn't work
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
