I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
