just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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