I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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