is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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