Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
