This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
