Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
