He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
