Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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