everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
