whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
