sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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