he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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