Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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