You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
