Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
