Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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