I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
