What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
