haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
