I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
