Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
