Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
