wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
