the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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