420 ftw
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
