They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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