I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
