I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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