You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
