His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
