i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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