i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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