hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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