She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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