I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
