i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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