She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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