just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
