I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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